Lets talk depression..

Depression and anxiety is an illness very close to my heart as I myself suffer with it. 

A lot of people don't view depression as a mental illness. I get it I didn't either until I was diagnosed. I felt hopeless most of the time. It took all of me to get out of bed some days. I thought constantly about suicide. The little voice in my head telling me I was worthless and that no one cared if I did die. Sometimes it would feel like the voices weren't just in my head and that I could actually hear them. It only made the already sleepless nights worse. I would cry endlessly and feel like there was no way out of the despair I was hounded by. Even though everyday was a constant struggle I still managed to pull myself together and go to college and work because I knew that if I didn't try things would only get worse.

 I was diagnosed at 19 and was told that I'd had severe depression and anxiety from a young age. At first I couldn't take it in. I wasn't behaving out of character, I didn't self-harm and I was still managing to get out of bed. I saw three health and mental health professionals before I realised that the sooner I accepted my diagnoses, the sooner I could start getting better, or at least coping with my illness. I saw a mental health nurse every 2 weeks to discuss how I was feeling and progress I had made. My doctor put me on antidepressants which was very daunting for me; I'd never had to be on long-term tablets before, especially ones that are so easy for you to develop and addiction to. 

For a while things got worse, increased suicidal thoughts, no sleep at all and crying constantly. I couldn't focus on anything no matter how much I tried, college work seemed to get away from me. Eventually things got better, I was signed off from sessions and my tablets ended. Things were looking up.

A couple of months later I suffered a panic attack. My first big panic attack. This sent me back into depression so again I was put back on the antidepressants. I soon realised that this was an illness I would never get rid of. I'd had it for so long that it had somehow formed a part of my personality.

Now: Things are good. I haven't had a big panic attack in months. I haven't been on antidepressants in months. 

Having a mental illness is not the end of the world. You just need to learn how it works and how it affects you.

I'm not a doctor or a medical professional in anyway but if you may have any questions about depression and anxiety, don't hesitate to ask.

Stay safe,

Paige xo